Why have I been forgotten?

I am Andrew. I am 13 years old. I was born into a nonfunctional family, or at least that is what I have been told, since I really don’t remember. I have no idea what kind of people they were. I can only speak for myself, and to be honest, my temper isn’t the greatest. I’m guessing I inherited it from my biological parents. Although, I often think that I made myself this way. The circumstances, the peers, the desire to "survive" without becoming anyone’s addiction or humiliation, it all contributed to my “grudge” on the whole world.

I don’t wish evil upon anyone, I do not want to show aggression, I'm tired of hurting others, but if I stop – I’m just going to get swallowed up by the world around. I remember an expression from when I was little "survival of the fittest". I thought to myself back then, where do people get these ideas? And what makes them rip to the top not caring about anything else?

I saw the losers in this race cut their own wrists, I remember this one guy, who put an end to it all by jumping from the roof. In the world I come from, it was impossible to be “number two”, and I just wanted it all to change.

I often dreamed of being a three-year-old boy again, and in that life, a family would adopt me. Yeah, the little me, not the grown up “idiot” that I have become, with a scar on my face and a lack of broken teeth. I can’t restart my life. I'm afraid of adult life, because its full of wolves. I hope they don’t notice my fears. I never told anyone that I want to be a musician. I think everyone around me would take it as a sign of weakness and just put me down for being weak. We had good people working at our orphanage, but its too bad that they did not know anything about the life and relationships going on right under their noses. It often seemed that the teachers could somehow help us, that they could make order. But logic told me: "What’s it to them? They have their own children at home. "And I understood them.

You can tell me - "you're a kid," but I will object: "I have already lived a life and even managed to get tired of it."

My wish is that history doesn’t repeat itself with other children. No one should have to bear what I carry today. Pray for those like me, let the God that is in heaven help us all.

(Thoughts from orphans brought up in an orphanage), Sergey Kovalchuk